They say when God closes a door, He opens a window. Though, our eyes usually do not see this window initially- mostly because of our preoccupation with the recently closed door. In recent months, the Lord had revealed to me the wondrous way that ALL things work together for good, even though the good is often revealed to us at a later time. Nevertheless, I could always cease to be astounded to ponder that truth. Little did I know that lesson from God was actually His grace preparing me for a much greater, unexpected occurrence or shall we say- window.
At ten years old, I distinctly remember the moment when I realized I wanted to do something called a Discipleship Training School with an organization called YWAM, just as I had seen my older siblings and many others do before. Reared in and around the mission field since cradle days, the concept of a 6 month mission school seemed hardly out of reach and was less than unexpected. Thus, began my makings of a plan to take a year off of school upon completion of high school in order to participate in this experience before beginning college and although the plan wavered at times and details fluctuated- it remained intact.
A close friend and I made plans to participate in this experience together and were set to leave early January 2011 for our school that would take place in Australia. Many months of mental and spiritual preparation had brought us to the final months, weeks, days until we would leave. It was so surreal. Everything I was looking forward to for years was so close! I felt so excited to think God's best for me was about to unfold. I couldn't wait to be a part of something bigger than myself!
2011 arrived and I had a great time bringing in the New Year. Like most, I stayed awake most of the night celebrating and enjoying the last few moments before departure scheduled a few days later. Due to the previous fun-filled night, I planned to spend New years Day napping and that's just what I did. I laid down to sleep not knowing I would awaken to my life changed forever.
I awoke on the floor confused, at which time paramedics were placing me on a stretcher. I could see, but couldn't quite hear yet. As I started to regain hearing, I could hear my mom trying to tell me about how I had been unconscious and was about to be transported in an ambulance to the ER. Everything was still a bit of a blur. As time passed in the ER, I became more conscious and was told the story about how my parents heard a thump from upstairs and my dad came to check and found me unconscious and not breathing- thus, the call to 911. While it was certain this was not merely a roll out of bed incident, no one really had any idea what it was.
Blood work and a ct scan showed nothing alarming, but a slight drop in other levels called for further testing- an EEG scan and a consultation with a neurologist for standard precaution measures. With that, we returned home to recoup from the day's crazy events and see further medical attention on Monday. On Monday, we tried to schedule an appointment with a neurologist and found most all to booked until the end of the month. Meanwhile, I'm due to leave for my journey in about 48 hrs. By the grace of God, a doctor friend called in a favor and arranged for us to have an EEG the following day and meet with a neurologist afterwards to read the report. At this time, I really felt fine about everything and certainly never imagined anything could come of this and couldn't really even understand the necessity of further investigation. However, that evening I began to become more sensitive to the idea that something could actually be awry.
The following day, Tuesday, I went for my EEG and had the scan feeling it went fine and I myself felt fine other than exhaustion from all the events. Afterwards, we returned home waiting to hear from the neurologist to see us. Shortly after, the neurologist's office called for us to come over and begin filling out paperwork proceeding our consultation. As we waited for the doctor to see us, I remember telling my mom how special I felt to think the enemy would pick me to try to throw a wrench in my big plans soon to unfold. Big things must really be in store if he feels the need to thwart them.
The doctor came in and asked me a couple of questions and then cut to the chase. He told me that what happened on New Year's Day was a seizure and that I had also had 3 seizures that morning during my EEG. Wow- shock number 1. He proceeded to tell me the EEG revealed I had a juvenile myoclonic epilepsy- a lifelong condition I was born with, but that it doesn't show symptoms until ages 18-28 yrs old. Um wow again- shock number 2. He also said that this condition is completely livable as long as I stay on the medication without fail. However, I cannot drive or travel too for the next six months after which I should be able to live completely normal with stable medication. And thus exposes shock number 3- no far travel. six months... connecting the dots yet? I sure did- and I was about 24hrs out from scheduled departure.
Overwhelmed by the information, the tears began to flow. The doctor asked if I had any plans for the next six months and I told him. He assured me this trip was doable just at a different time. Well, my brain really couldn't process that concept because THIS was my designated time for this trip. I walked out of the office and left my mom to finish discussing medical details with him. Out in the hall, I sobered up and began to try to process what was just told to me. It quickly became apparent to me that an event and timing this epic had to be supernatural. This was NO coincidence and there was most definitely a reason- even though I was aware that reason may not be revealed for quite some time. Meanwhile, I had to now mentally and spiritually prepare myself NOT to embark on this journey and focus on what was intended for me to learn.
So as they say, God closed a door- well more like slammed it shut and bolted it! But- praise God! Like I said, the vastness of this change in plans was an obvious sign of the master work of God and I feel more in the center and mercy of His will than ever before. Only He could turn a course so drastically especially when I so clearly thought I was on His intended path. It's not to say I wasn't, its just that He is using this to teach that we are living a lifelong journey that may may curve unexpectedly- not to say the original direction was wrong, just that it needs to alternate as part of a bigger trail which has not been fully revealed.
In the meantime, I feel a call to sharpen my eyes to be looking out for the unexpected windows awaiting me. I know God is not going to let these next six months pass by in vain, but I also have a personal responsibility to always be looking for the good in life and every situation and to reflect on the little wonders He is revealing everyday. What I wanted more than anything was to be a part of something bigger than myself and now I have the chance to see how God will use my circumstance to unexpectedly make that a reality.
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